Friday, May 15, 2009

Dark Chocolate M&M's Are Racist

Hello fellow patients,

I feel that needed to be said.

Why are we segregating our candy-covered confections, anyway? And don't get me started on that whole "green M&M's" thing, either. I ate three pounds of the things, and I'm still no bigger than an "A" cup, maybe a small "B" if I'm about to start...

You should be ashamed of yourselves. I don't care how cute your Christmas ads are. No wonder you made Santa faint. I'd faint too, if I ran into a candy-coated Klansman on Christmas eve. And why is it always the yellow one that freaks Santa out? Why not the red one? Or maybe the white one?

Oh that's right. There's not a white one.

I'll have you know, I've already consulted Al Sharpton about the matter, and a boycott and march upon Washington are already in the works. We may even start a letter-writing campaign! We'll see if you have the chocolate-covered peanuts to admit you were wrong, and allow all your candies to live together in the same bag. Seperate-but-equally-priced packaging is not going to cut it anymore.

You haven't heard the last of this, M&M's. I promise I will not rest until this injustice is righted, and all candies live in peace and equality.

Except for licorice. That shit sucks.

His Holiness Pope Salty I

p.s.: Don't think I'm not watching you, Chinese Checkers...

HHPS1

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